Or is the world against you?
why me? you may ask?
Why does it always happen to me?
How I turned my trigger into a healing process that brought huge empowerment and another layer of understanding.
The other day I had been invited into my daughter’s school by her drama teacher with a few other mums to learn more about a process our children would have to go through during their drama exam next year. The drama teacher shared about how they would have to read from a book and look up at the end of the sentence and went on to demonstrate with much ease and playfulness.
I was ok with what the drama teacher was sharing until she mentions we (ie me other parents in the room)needed to read from the book and take turns…
what ? the hell?
Panic hit me like a ton of bricks and as I observed the book being passed round I was looking for my escape… I needed to get the hell out of the drama classroom and I could see a clear exit and off I went stating I need to go to the toilet ( which I did)
So I left the school building and walked to collect my car which was in the garage being serviced and mot some 15 mins away. During this walk, I had time to calm down and reflect but I was still properly in Fight and Flight mode. Only I had nowhere to run to – I need to go and pick my daughter up from school.
So why the panic? well, this request would sound perfectly fine for those who do not have an issue with reading out aloud or understanding the English language…
You see not many people know this but I struggle with reading and writing and this situation brought up a whole load of fear from my childhood school days.
So I did the thing that would free me from my own constraints … I shared openly on social media a post about me COMING OUT…
And it went like this…
I am coming out…..
?I am dyslexic ?
?I struggled with my school work and cried at night when doing my homework because I didn’t Understand it or remember what to do ?
? When I was at primary school my teacher Mrs Porter stood me up in front of the whole class and hit my knuckles with a ruler for copying my friends work ?
? I failed my maths ?
?I don’t remember people’s names ?
I was triggered by my daughter’s school on Wednesday because her drama teacher wanted us to read from a children’s school book – this is one of my biggest nightmares/fears and so I got the Hell out of there…
I felt stupid
I felt very sad
I felt thick
I felt a failure
I felt depressed
But only for a short while Because
I Am Not dyslexia
I Am Rachel Allanach
And I am not hiding any more…
When I wrote about my trigger and shared on my social media posts – there was no fear or shame or judgement coming from my being – For a shared from a place of self-acceptance of who I am and that is I am so much more than Rachel who struggles with reading and writing.,
I received so many lovely messages from people and all I wanted to do was bring more understanding to how triggers can bring healing when we look within and that the universe is working for you.
I have been hiding too long and I knew it was time to bring this beauty into the light… and heal it some more…
I am mindful that we are all a work in progress and our healing is never done but each opportunity we allow into our lives to let go of the constraints we place upon our self or taken on by others is a baby step to a life with more joy and self-acceptance and this will bring True FREEDOM as nothing can hurt us when we accept and LOVE ourself.
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